Disgruntled Hockey Mom

 

As a previous “hockey mom” of two sons who both played ice hockey from Mites through high school, I need to do a little venting. Maybe it was all those super early practices or games that I had to get up for.  Maybe it was all the far away tournaments or games that I had to drive to.  Maybe it was my years and years of being a ‘business manager’ for one of my boys’ hockey teams and all the hours of behind the scenes work that I put in for it.  Maybe it was the thought of the thousands and thousands of dollars that my family has spent through the years on hockey. But I have to say, as a mom, I expect better.  As a woman, I expect better.  As a fan of women’s hockey, I expect better.  I couldn’t be more disappointed in the men’s US Olympic hockey team.

Early that Sunday morning, my whole family got up and snuggled together in the family room to watch Team USA and Team Canada battle it out on the ice.  It was an incredible game - close, exciting hockey.  Just a one goal difference the entire game.

When they won, we all cheered and yelled and jumped and danced around the room – even our college student was awake and animated at an hour far earlier than the norm.

We felt proud. We sat and talked and reminisced about our sons’ days playing hockey and all the good times we all shared with teammates and friends.  We were happy and excited for USA Hockey as a whole.  What an exciting outcome – gold medals for the men’s team and the women’s team! What an amazing accomplishment for USA Hockey! Such a special and incredible time for hockey players everywhere in the U.S.  This is the good stuff of the Olympics!

Then, it happened.  That phone call. 

Everyone happy and excited and celebrating and partying in the locker room.  What should have been a call of celebration and recognition from the top leader of our country. Instead, in the middle of it, out of nowhere, an underhanded swipe at women.  An attempt to take-away from the women's win.  An attempt to put them down.  A joke with an underlying, hinted message – ‘sorry guys, but you do realize I am going to “have to” invite the women because if I don’t, they’ll have me impeached’.

What.The.Frick?!! Why would he do that? Why would he feel the need to use his energy and his voice at that moment to add that? And why act like it's a burden to have the women's team there?

Think about it.  It isn’t a joke.  It’s intentional.  It’s what weak men do to women all the time.  It’s misogyny. It’s actually emotional abuse. He just can’t let women have that win.  He just can’t let the women feel as important as the men. He has to try to diminish theirs somehow. To paint the narrative that the men’s win is more important than the women’s.

Let’s be real though.  We all expect that sort of talk and behavior from him at this point. No need for me to even say his name and you all know who I mean.  Point being – from him, we got what we all expected from that call.  Him, attempting to use this team's win to satisfy his own ego, and to use them to try to get people to attend his waffling upcoming state of the union.  We know that when he opens his mouth to speak, he will add nothing of value to the conversation so we expect none.

Sadly though, Men’s Team USA also had an opportunity in that moment and they failed. 

They also had a chance to say something of value in that moment and they wasted it!

They had the opportunity to say no. They had an opportunity to say stop.  They had the opportunity to say, we support the women.  We believe women are our equals.  We believe the women’s team DESERVES to be invited to the White House to honor their incredible achievement - which was just as important as ours!  They had an opportunity to say, we believe women deserve their victories and their wins, too.  To say that the women have worked just as hard as they have. To say something… anything… to stop this weak man on the phone from trying to tear the women’s team down.  

Instead, they just laughed along with him. They jumped at the opportunity to be flown around and treated like celebrities, while they stood by and let him diminish their fellow American female hockey players’ victory.

It was then that such a huge win was immediately ruined and turned into an even bigger loss for me.  Such a short victory in my opinion. 

They lost the chance to say to the world that women matter.  They lost my respect and the respect of many, many people out there who also saw their actions for what they were.  They lost our excitement for their win.  And frankly, they lost my desire to support them anymore.  That win was big, but this loss is bigger.

How sad.  How gross. How pathetic that after decades of the women in their lives supporting them and their dreams, they couldn’t even suppress laughter, while on the world stage, at a disgusting misogynistic joke by an abusive rapist and pedophile president. 

How sad that so many of them jumped at the opportunity to kiss his ass and fly on his plane - all to stroke their own egos.

 How sad that they didn’t have the strength, balls, or maturity to stand up for the women who were actually a part of making this happen for them. 

And how sad that weak men and women are out there now, still trying to make excuses for them and others like them, with their cries of “oh that’s just locker room talk”, “why does everything have to be so political”, and all the other usual pathetic excuses for allowing one individual to treat another individual poorly, or for using their privilege to only care about themselves. 

Just excusing the fact that the bar is set that low because they themselves are just as weak and refuse to defend and stand up for women or minorities or any other people groups who are being oppressed.

This lack of accountability in this country is absolutely disgusting and shameful.

Weak men and women pick on others and put them down.  Strong men and women support others and lift them up.

If it weren’t for the women in those players’ lives, I guarantee you that none of those men would be playing on that team.  In fact, please, all men hear this - if it weren’t for the women in your lives, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE LIFE!!!  

Throughout all the years I was a hockey mom, I assure you there were a whole lot of women running things, keeping schedules, scheduling referees, manning time sheets and time clocks, attending meetings, serving as the “Team Managers” (AKA – “team moms” – AKA – the only individual capable of doing all the executive functioning, planning, and organization for the group) on all the teams, in all the organizations, and on all the administrative boards. The sport wouldn’t function without women.

I also assure you that the athletes on that women's team practiced just as hard, spent just as much time and energy on the sport, and deserve to be recognized just as much as the men.

So anyway, just needed to say, Hey Men’s Team USA, nice hockey game. Now, grow up.  I feel sorry for your mothers. I feel sorry for your sisters.  I feel sorry for your wives. I feel sorry for your daughters.  I feel sad for them that they have given their hearts and souls to love YOU and support YOU and give to YOU and you aren’t even able or willing to stand up for them in the simplest of ways.

Weak. Pathetic. Takers. Just like a lot of other men at the top - narcissistic, self-centered, and lacking awareness and emotional maturity.  So defensive about themselves and their position, and needing to believe that they “did it themselves”, “earned it without anyone else”, that they are just completely blind to their own true interactions with others. 

Hughes spoke out after and his take was basically – ‘eh, everything is so political – we just wanted to have fun and see the White House’.  Typical position of privilege.  It’s easy to ignore politics when it isn’t YOUR life, YOUR rights, YOUR freedoms that are slowly being chipped away.

A whole lot of rich, white, famous, straight men think they don’t have to give a shit about anyone else, so they don’t. That’s not fun.  That’s yucky and feels gross. Boys just want to have fun. That actually means they might have to give up the unfair advantages they’ve always had in this COLONIZED COUNTRY! 

Proud of the 5 men who declined the invitation.  Frankly, the other little boys can F off.  A lot of life occurs off the ice.  You need the women in your life.  You should treat them better and actually defend them when others are abusing them – especially when that person is a KNOWN RAPIST, SEXIST, and PEDOPHILE!

Proud of USA Women’s Hockey! 

As per the usual, boys, a lot of you have some growing up to do.  

Raise the bar!  Call out unacceptable treatment of others.  Misogynistic men will only ever listen to other MEN who look and act like them!  If you don’t start standing up for us, they will never learn because they can’t hear from us.  

Please do your part for the women in your lives, men!!  Thought you fancied yourselves “protectors”.

    (No offense, but seriously - what a sad, pathetic joke!)